I'm an Addict ... Food Addict that is

I know when we hear the word addict we think of drugs or alcohol but not much of food.  When I was sitting in church this weekend our guest speaker talked about how we do good things but then we go and post on FB and Twitter etc about this great thing we did for someone else (called #humblebragging).  Made me think I do this, not in my head wanting to be recognized for the good dead just so proud that my kids are out there volunteering.  I need to rethink my way of saying what I'm doing.

2nd point he had that REALLY stuck with me is this saying:

Humility is not thinking less of yourself it's thinking less about yourself.  Thinking more of others.  

He gave us 3 action steps to make and one that stuck with me was Boast in your Weakness!  Every weakness is a testimony.  So hear is my testimony.  I'm addicted to food!  I have always battled my weight, it's been something I've been very open with this.  I've been on this weight loss journey for some time now.  I have been trying hard to get back to a healthy weight.  Believe me it's been hard work and a lot of sacrifice. 

I had a friend comment on Facebook:

Hey girl you are such an inspiration. You lost all the weight doing it the right way. Eating better and lots of exercise. You should consider doing a motivation/inspiration speaker. There are many over-weight people that believe they can't get back to healthy. They just need someone like you to tell them it is possible. Congratulations!!

I'm not a big public speaker, I do well in small groups.  But I do have a blog that I hope can be a forum to anyone going through the same struggles I have my whole life.  When I think back I was thinner child until around the time the lady we refer to the egg donor left when I was 5, after that the weight came on but not ton that came later.  Dad remarried and then the weight came on a little more.  Never feeling that I fit in during those awkward pre-teen and teen years lead to food as a comfort not for a source to fuel the body.  

The weight came on more when I become pregnant and never would loose the weight and then would go through the battle of loosing the weight all over again.  This will be the third time I've been on this journey.  Before my wedding I lost 80lbs, got pregnant on my honeymoon.  2 years later I loose 60lbs to get pregnant yet again!  5 years later I start the journey yet again.  Now I'm down 105lbs and still working on it.  I've hit a wall and not loosing any weight.   I've started to change my diet again doing different exercises to see if I can get some movement in the right direction.  I'm not giving up like I have in the past, I'm going to stick with this to get to my goal!

May ask how have you done it? I have done it through exercise and strict diet.  It has been a hard road of monitoring what I'm eating while other's around me and even me cooking for them a regular meal and I'm eating lean proteins with few carbs and very little sugar. It has not been an easy road and it will not be an easy road to keep it off but I'm grateful for where I am and the journey I have had to take to get here.

It's funny when you see people and they ask how much you have lost.  When I say 105lbs, some people say congrats but MOST will look at me and then with a shocked look try to change the subject.  It's like they don't know if they should say wow you were very heavy or wow you were obese.  

It's like with any disease or addiction from the outside people who don't have to deal with it have no clue what it is like.  This journey has helped me be more understanding of others and not being so judgemently (still working on this one).  Some of us wear our demons on the outside (like being over weight) and some on the inside.

I'm still a work in progress and taking one day at a time.  I find help from asking God to help me with this journey some may not and again this is a no judgement place.  We all find the thing that helps us move forward.  

I hope that my journey of failure and progress can help others.  Telling my story is one of the biggest form of humility I've had in a long time.  Weight has been a hard struggle for me and has pushed me to the ground many times.  Many people try to help in their own way and sometimes this help can be very hurtful.  People really do try their best and that is another lesson to learn (still working on that one too) that even with the words that cut like swords to my soul are coming from a place of love.

People around us may not always be that GREAT support system that we need, but that is something we need to learn that we have to do it by ourselves and for us.

Still on my journey and I'll make it there some day it may be in the next few weeks or maybe the next few months.  I know that it's a journey and one that I will be on for the rest of my life.

A few years back my friend gave me a book by our Pastor Dean Curry @ Life Center (Boost! 52 Infusions of wisdom to revolutionize the way you think and live):

My resentments almost always come from pride.  I think I deserve more deference, gratitude  and ease then Jesus enjoyed.  HUMBLE yourself .... 

The most beautiful places in nature have been shaped by STORMS more then by SUNSHINE. 

What happens TO YOU doesn't have to be a curse .... ON YOU. You can REVIEW, REBUKE, or RENEW everything that happens. 

God often hides something you need in someone (or something) you don't enjoy. M.Murdock.

"Brokenness" can become a blessing! How? It RELEASES us from attachment, REMINDS us of grace to live by, and RECONNECTS us to purpose. 

Humility is living without the need for a BOOST UP for yourself or a PUT DOWN for someone else. 

Optimism isn't overlooking FACTS to paint a false picture; it's overcoming FEAR to paint a better future.

Hope someone may find a boost or motivation.

This was a month or so back, need to take a new one.

Weight Loss Journey ... The 12 Month Check in

I posted this status update on FB the other day and I thought I would share it here too.  I'm a big believer in testimony and hoping that I can maybe inspire others like I was to go on this journey of bettering myself.  I'm still about 23lbs from my goal of honeymoon weight.  I'm taking it with strides and praying I hit my goal before my birthday.  I so would love to have to have a tiny piece of cake (even if only a sliver it would be nice).  So Far I'm 6 months of no cheating of no sugar and very low carb diet.  Would be nice to be done in the next 2 1/2 months :).

So here is my before and NOW picture!  ONLY nice comments please, it's like standing naked in front of you all.  And please don't mind the hair and no make up now picture.  LOL

FB status:

God gave me a whisper today to reflect on where I am. Last year I was in a 3x tired all the time. Then one day I went for a walk just one foot in front of another. It hasn't been easy I've had times of jealously over others success. But here I am 1 yr later in a Large and walking 3 miles in 45 min, with a work out before. Sometimes we need that reflection that we may not b at goal but look were we are now. 

Have a great weekend!

On the Skinny Journey

If you have been following me you know I have been on a journey to loose weight.  I would love to say I was just a few pounds over weight but sadly I got to a very scary large weight.  I started with Weight Watchers, making my own meals and walking and doing my Wii Zumba.  My best friend from childhood started her weight loss journey at the same time (we are so close our weight was with in 1 pound of each other).  She started her journey using Ideal Protein Program.  I had reservation on going on this diet one due to cost (could be around $400 a month) and it is a low carb & low sugar diet.  I tried Atkins in the past with no luck so I thought why try it and spend that much money.  Well you know me and my google abilities to find things.  After doing it for 4 months on my own and only down around 29lbs and my friend was down over 60 I thought I need to try this.  So I went to google and found I can buy the products on ebay and not go to the doctors office like she does on a weekly basis!  OK I'm NOT suggesting this route you should go to the doc and do it the right way but I'm on a limited budget and thought I'd try it this way.  Within in the 2 1/2 months on this program I'm down 53.6 lbs total (around 24 lbs since starting this program).  I am half way to my goal and hope to be there by February of next year!  My short term goal is 65 lbs down by Halloween to really rock my outfit.  My next goal is to be down 85lbs by Christmas.  My long term goal is to be at my goal weight by April so I may be able to actually wear a swimsuit at Cole's swim party!  It's a lot of hard work with monitor my food and exercise but it will be worth it!

 



 

I have not been paid or offered to try this weight loss program, I have paid for it out of my own pocket.

Doctor Time!

So I went to the doctor yesterday morning!  Still trying to get my thyroid back on track.  Lesson learned NEVER let your thyroid meds go out and not take them.  Due to a lack of insurance and lack of no knowledge about clinics you can go to and pay a $50 fee I let it go.  Well 4 months ago I got it back on track, well trying to!  I'm now on my 3rd dose revision, hoping we will get it soon!

Well the gal that I've seen last time was gone so yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting a new doc who spent the whole time looking at his computer instead of talking to me.  The one time he did look at me he gave me the dreaded look up and down and gave me the and you may want to think about loosing some weight.  After I bite back a moment I said politely I have been I'm down 30.2 lbs since the last time I was in (later when I looked at my chart according to their scale I'm down 34lbs).  All I got well ok then from the little man!  He then told me he wants to do more blood work in 2 months to check my thyroid.  Of course he then turns to me to say he of course wants to check my cholesterol and if I have diabetes.  Yes I'm a fluffy girl and immediately his mind goes to I am lazy and not taking care of myself.  I nicely informed him go ahead I have had it done on a regular basis and it's always come out fine but I don't mind :).

Oh yes it was a great visit, I can't wait for Rick to get a full time job so we can have insurance back and I can go back to my doctor.  After that visit I felt like my biggest critic and him got together and said no matter how much she has been doing don't give her credit and beat her down a bit! UGH

Ok off that my poor me box ... LOL.  I know I'm doing well and I will keep up my 3 miles 5 times a week and doing my Wii Zumba 5 times a week when I'm not sick :(.

Sometimes it takes a Photo

Sometimes it’s hard to see the difference’s in ourselves but that is why we have camera’s.  It’s been a hard few month’s but I’ve been trying to be very good watching what I eat and exercising at least 4 times a week. As many of you know I’m down about 24 lbs and was getting a little discouraged that I haven’t had a larger loss.  You know sometimes you just want to throw in the towel.  You’ve done it before and can it be done again?  You want to feel good for other’s and their loss but then you get yourself in a funk.  No more funks or tears it will be a slow process but it’s all worth it, I may not be swimsuit ready this summer but next year it will be and I know I’ve done it the right way for me and the way I know it will be off for a lifetime and not just a small window like past.  This time history will NOT repeat itself.

I was going threw pictures this weekend to print for my dad for Father’s Day and I found the Disney pictures.  LOL wearing the same shirt I was wearing this weekend and took a look at the pictures.  Of course it isn’t in the same pose so it’s not exact but it did give me the boost I needed.  Even if I don’t get the atta girl from my biggest critics I can see the difference and will keep at it!

March 2012

June 2012

Back to grind and feeling good about myself!  I’ll have my birthday and father’s day post up tomorrow!  Have a wonderful Monday everyone!

It's NOT because I'm Overweight ....

It's a vent time :). I have a family member in my life that makes it very clear how they feel about me being overweight. Most of you know me that I have been struggling with my weight since I was very young when my dad remarried. For my wedding I lost 80lbs (which was the result of working out SEVEN days a week and not having kids). Then got pregnant on our wedding night, then lost 60 lbs to get pregnant a second time. This time around I'm tired, my body is tired and I am limited on resources so here I am. I hear threw the grapevine I don't do things because my weight, this person doesn't know me very well if they did they would know that every weekend I'm out and about! So to set the record straight: