I'm an Addict ... Food Addict that is

I know when we hear the word addict we think of drugs or alcohol but not much of food.  When I was sitting in church this weekend our guest speaker talked about how we do good things but then we go and post on FB and Twitter etc about this great thing we did for someone else (called #humblebragging).  Made me think I do this, not in my head wanting to be recognized for the good dead just so proud that my kids are out there volunteering.  I need to rethink my way of saying what I'm doing.

2nd point he had that REALLY stuck with me is this saying:

Humility is not thinking less of yourself it's thinking less about yourself.  Thinking more of others.  

He gave us 3 action steps to make and one that stuck with me was Boast in your Weakness!  Every weakness is a testimony.  So hear is my testimony.  I'm addicted to food!  I have always battled my weight, it's been something I've been very open with this.  I've been on this weight loss journey for some time now.  I have been trying hard to get back to a healthy weight.  Believe me it's been hard work and a lot of sacrifice. 

I had a friend comment on Facebook:

Hey girl you are such an inspiration. You lost all the weight doing it the right way. Eating better and lots of exercise. You should consider doing a motivation/inspiration speaker. There are many over-weight people that believe they can't get back to healthy. They just need someone like you to tell them it is possible. Congratulations!!

I'm not a big public speaker, I do well in small groups.  But I do have a blog that I hope can be a forum to anyone going through the same struggles I have my whole life.  When I think back I was thinner child until around the time the lady we refer to the egg donor left when I was 5, after that the weight came on but not ton that came later.  Dad remarried and then the weight came on a little more.  Never feeling that I fit in during those awkward pre-teen and teen years lead to food as a comfort not for a source to fuel the body.  

The weight came on more when I become pregnant and never would loose the weight and then would go through the battle of loosing the weight all over again.  This will be the third time I've been on this journey.  Before my wedding I lost 80lbs, got pregnant on my honeymoon.  2 years later I loose 60lbs to get pregnant yet again!  5 years later I start the journey yet again.  Now I'm down 105lbs and still working on it.  I've hit a wall and not loosing any weight.   I've started to change my diet again doing different exercises to see if I can get some movement in the right direction.  I'm not giving up like I have in the past, I'm going to stick with this to get to my goal!

May ask how have you done it? I have done it through exercise and strict diet.  It has been a hard road of monitoring what I'm eating while other's around me and even me cooking for them a regular meal and I'm eating lean proteins with few carbs and very little sugar. It has not been an easy road and it will not be an easy road to keep it off but I'm grateful for where I am and the journey I have had to take to get here.

It's funny when you see people and they ask how much you have lost.  When I say 105lbs, some people say congrats but MOST will look at me and then with a shocked look try to change the subject.  It's like they don't know if they should say wow you were very heavy or wow you were obese.  

It's like with any disease or addiction from the outside people who don't have to deal with it have no clue what it is like.  This journey has helped me be more understanding of others and not being so judgemently (still working on this one).  Some of us wear our demons on the outside (like being over weight) and some on the inside.

I'm still a work in progress and taking one day at a time.  I find help from asking God to help me with this journey some may not and again this is a no judgement place.  We all find the thing that helps us move forward.  

I hope that my journey of failure and progress can help others.  Telling my story is one of the biggest form of humility I've had in a long time.  Weight has been a hard struggle for me and has pushed me to the ground many times.  Many people try to help in their own way and sometimes this help can be very hurtful.  People really do try their best and that is another lesson to learn (still working on that one too) that even with the words that cut like swords to my soul are coming from a place of love.

People around us may not always be that GREAT support system that we need, but that is something we need to learn that we have to do it by ourselves and for us.

Still on my journey and I'll make it there some day it may be in the next few weeks or maybe the next few months.  I know that it's a journey and one that I will be on for the rest of my life.

A few years back my friend gave me a book by our Pastor Dean Curry @ Life Center (Boost! 52 Infusions of wisdom to revolutionize the way you think and live):

My resentments almost always come from pride.  I think I deserve more deference, gratitude  and ease then Jesus enjoyed.  HUMBLE yourself .... 

The most beautiful places in nature have been shaped by STORMS more then by SUNSHINE. 

What happens TO YOU doesn't have to be a curse .... ON YOU. You can REVIEW, REBUKE, or RENEW everything that happens. 

God often hides something you need in someone (or something) you don't enjoy. M.Murdock.

"Brokenness" can become a blessing! How? It RELEASES us from attachment, REMINDS us of grace to live by, and RECONNECTS us to purpose. 

Humility is living without the need for a BOOST UP for yourself or a PUT DOWN for someone else. 

Optimism isn't overlooking FACTS to paint a false picture; it's overcoming FEAR to paint a better future.

Hope someone may find a boost or motivation.

This was a month or so back, need to take a new one.

Test Run of a Swim Suit

For many years now you wouldn't find me caught dead in a swimsuit.  There were several people that would always get on me to put one on and I never would.  I even had myself convinced I really didn't want to swim so why would I need one!  Then you have a really good friend say to you "You know if you felt good about your weight you'd be in one".  YUP that stung for sometime until I started my weight loss journey and knew she was very right.

We have a swim party planned for the boys and their classmates next Saturday but we just found out Rick's schedule has changed so our party has been moved up to this Saturday.  Which means I must get in a suit!  YIKES, I did find 2 really cute ones at Old Navy on clearance (who would have thunk that) for $9 each!!  So I now am braving a swimsuit, well that is with a cover up but still there is a suit on under there.  I'm moving my way there!  I probably will never post a pic of me in a bath-suit here, but I can do the cover up pic :).

So currently I'm down 103.2 lbs, I'm not going to make my goal of 113.8 by my birthday next Sunday but man I can't complain after a 15 months being were I am right now. ( I had to update Friday AM, I'm down 104lbs woo hoo!, 9.8lbs until goal)

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Insert Face Palm ... Doing the same Thing over and over

My amazing boss (who if you need a financial adviser he really is the best, he's actually one of the #1 in the US - Plus he's pretty darn amazing ... yes I love my job!) has a report talking about steps to protect your money.  One of the steps is not doing the same thing because it worked before.   Well I totally just found that is true with my diet life!

As most of you know I started doing weight watcher meals and counting points etc March of last year!  After a few months I was down around 28 or so lbs.  Then in August I started a diet that was all protein and very lean meats.  From August to February I was down around 83 lbs.  I was not counting carbs exactly just eating lean meat and some veggies (since veggies have carbs and some are very high).  So I was buying turkey sausages that I loved and had for most dinners, and sometimes even lunch.

Then February I was started to not see a budge on the scale so I saw a doctor here in town to help me loose the last 28lbs.  His plan is all protein and ONLY 20g of carbs, if it moves you can eat it.  If it has roots it's off limits, BUT I could now eat cheese and eggs!  So the first week I lost 4lbs and then NOTHING for 2 weeks.  I was like what the heck is going on, so I switched around what protein bar I ate then lost almost 2lbs.  I thought I had it figured out, but then back to nothing.  I called the doc and he said well the carbs are getting in somewhere, you need to be a detective and find out what carbs you're eating!  What I'm eating everything I should right???  So to the back of the nutrition list I go.

WELL I found that those lovely sausages that are my fav had 3 carbs a piece!! Oh yes so if you have say 3 or 6 (you eat 9g or 18g), then you eat a protein bar and oh yeah some cheese that you thought all cheese was carb free to find this brand actually had 1g carb PER little square!  Oh yeah and those yummy eggs also have 1 to 2g of carbs.  So my 20g Carb allowance was being pushed and doubled ... UGH.  REALLY looking at the back of food so was not on my mind.  How the heck did I think those items where carb free ... anyone say because the internet said so (YUP, I'm so that commercial of that stupid girl that says if the internet says it then it true ... UGH).

So a lesson learned what worked BEFORE does not work in this new diet.  I must watch very close the carbs that I eat and stick to the plan.  Some days you just need to give yourself a face palm!  Here's to a better week and hopefully a down # on this scale.  I so want to hit my goal of 24 more pounds to return to a normal and HEALTHY lifestyle.  AND heck go out to dinner with my husband with out him and the waitress giving me the crazy eye for order just meat!

Happy Friday, Hope you all have a fab weekend! 

Any Special Plans?

I think we have a date!  Boys have a Mad Hatter Sleep over party to go to.

Pictures and items made to come! (UGH mis-spoke that next weekend)!
Man I'm really not with it this week!

The Needed Pick Me Up Picture ...

I started a new diet (just a stricter version of what I've been doing) to give me a jumpstart to loose weight.  I hit the dreaded plateau and couldn't get my body to do anything so I went and saw a local doctor here who has a plan called the Foxkin diet.  He's plan is if it moves you eat it, and no plants.  It's a high protein, low carb and low sugar diet.  Pretty much what I've been doing but no veggies now.  I'm so happy to say I lost 4 lbs this week!  I'm down a 87.6 lbs so far!  I have 26.2lbs to go for my goal, and who knows I may go the extra 10lbs from there, we'll see!  So here is my before and so far picture!  Don't mind the current hair, my hairdresser moved and I'm waiting for her to get the house in order to freshen up my color and my cut.

Pick me up reminder

Sometimes when you're loosing weight you don't see the progress or you get stuck.  I've reached the dreaded plateau.  I'm not going crazy over it (ok maybe in my head) but I'm working threw it sticking to my diet and making sure I get my exercise and water in.   So when I get a little down about it I need to remind myself where I started last March.  So here it is a current before and after shot.  Thank you for all my supporters.

Family Photo Outfit Picks

I got all the family (me kids & my parents) scheduled for family photo's this Sunday.  Tell you just getting it scheduled with everyone's schedule was like an act of congress.  After r/s time and date a few times we finally got Sunday after church being the right fit.  Now comes the hard part picking what I want to wear!  It's been a long time since I can say I was comfortable getting pictures done of myself.  My goal is 70 lbs down by the picture date, I'm currently 1.6lbs from this goal.  Fingers crossed (and lots of water) that I get there!  

At first I had it in my head a cute dress and boots would be perfect, but then I tried it on and felt like the dress may be a little too long and added volume to my lower half.  I must say it was nice to put on a XL and it to actually be roomy.  Even better when I put on my white jean jacket that is a L and found it was almost perfect!  Whoo hoo I'm almost there!  If you follow me on FB you saw me post these last night.  It looks like a toss between the cream and green sweater.  I'm thinking I will return the boots and maybe just maybe I can find a new sweater or sweater set to wear with my trouser jeans that mind you I haven't been able to wear since BEFORE Caden was born (YUP he's 5).

I like this one but I think it makes my sides a little lumpy

this I think is the winner but with a black cami 

underneath and bold jewelery

So what one do you think?  Be nice everyone I'm about 45 from my goal so I'm not perfect so nice comments only please.  You don't know how hard it was to post this, but I really would love the help.

On the Skinny Journey

If you have been following me you know I have been on a journey to loose weight.  I would love to say I was just a few pounds over weight but sadly I got to a very scary large weight.  I started with Weight Watchers, making my own meals and walking and doing my Wii Zumba.  My best friend from childhood started her weight loss journey at the same time (we are so close our weight was with in 1 pound of each other).  She started her journey using Ideal Protein Program.  I had reservation on going on this diet one due to cost (could be around $400 a month) and it is a low carb & low sugar diet.  I tried Atkins in the past with no luck so I thought why try it and spend that much money.  Well you know me and my google abilities to find things.  After doing it for 4 months on my own and only down around 29lbs and my friend was down over 60 I thought I need to try this.  So I went to google and found I can buy the products on ebay and not go to the doctors office like she does on a weekly basis!  OK I'm NOT suggesting this route you should go to the doc and do it the right way but I'm on a limited budget and thought I'd try it this way.  Within in the 2 1/2 months on this program I'm down 53.6 lbs total (around 24 lbs since starting this program).  I am half way to my goal and hope to be there by February of next year!  My short term goal is 65 lbs down by Halloween to really rock my outfit.  My next goal is to be down 85lbs by Christmas.  My long term goal is to be at my goal weight by April so I may be able to actually wear a swimsuit at Cole's swim party!  It's a lot of hard work with monitor my food and exercise but it will be worth it!

 



 

I have not been paid or offered to try this weight loss program, I have paid for it out of my own pocket.

Sometimes it takes a Photo

Sometimes it’s hard to see the difference’s in ourselves but that is why we have camera’s.  It’s been a hard few month’s but I’ve been trying to be very good watching what I eat and exercising at least 4 times a week. As many of you know I’m down about 24 lbs and was getting a little discouraged that I haven’t had a larger loss.  You know sometimes you just want to throw in the towel.  You’ve done it before and can it be done again?  You want to feel good for other’s and their loss but then you get yourself in a funk.  No more funks or tears it will be a slow process but it’s all worth it, I may not be swimsuit ready this summer but next year it will be and I know I’ve done it the right way for me and the way I know it will be off for a lifetime and not just a small window like past.  This time history will NOT repeat itself.

I was going threw pictures this weekend to print for my dad for Father’s Day and I found the Disney pictures.  LOL wearing the same shirt I was wearing this weekend and took a look at the pictures.  Of course it isn’t in the same pose so it’s not exact but it did give me the boost I needed.  Even if I don’t get the atta girl from my biggest critics I can see the difference and will keep at it!

March 2012

June 2012

Back to grind and feeling good about myself!  I’ll have my birthday and father’s day post up tomorrow!  Have a wonderful Monday everyone!

The Best Question ever Asked …

We’ve started a new search at church, ok for you non church people don’t run away =D.  I think this is a “PRACTICAL” idea you can input into your life.  Almost like a resolution but I really think it is so much more than that.

The Question:

“In light of my Past, my Present circumstances, and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do”

At first I was like oh boy this is another resolution I won’t follow threw with.  But then I sat on it and really started thinking.  Our pastor gave us 4 Areas to look into our life.

1. Physical
2. Relational
3. Spiritual
4. Professional/Education

So of course I look at my Physical which I know hinders my Relationship.  When I feel frumpy, well you know the rest.  So on to bettering myself.  I feel this is so much better then a resolution.  I put my butt (literally) into gear.  I broke out my Shred it Video by Jillian Micheals and my Kettlebell and here we are today will day #4 of the work out and let me tell you my legs are like jello and my arms feel like I’m an ape and they are hanging down and no way are they coming above my head!

Some other things with this lesson I think also can be PRACTICAL in every day life are:

1. There is cumulative VALUE to INVESTING small amounts of time in certain activities over a LONG period of time.
1. My Goal: working out a few minutes per week! Also spending special time with the boys (playing Wii Games, instead of sitting on my arse). And praying nightly with boys.
2. There are rarely any IMMEDIATE consequences for NEGLECTING single installments of time in any AREA of life.
1. YES it won’t hurt if I miss one day of the above Goal, but it becomes easier and easier if I “SKIP just this one day”
3. NEGLECT has a cumulative EFFECT.
1. My Goal: There will be no weight loss, special time or night time rituals if I NEGLECT these items!
4. There is no cumulative VALUE to the URGENT things that we allow to interfere with the IMPORTANT things.
1. My Goal: NOT allow myself to say I just need to check facebook or make this call etc instead of doing what is important to my health which is the working out!

Last on my list is I NEED to get insurance for myself.  When Rick changed to current job the insurance went from being affordable to no way jose!  I think I found a place that I can get me and the boys for $150 a month.  NOW to find the extra money and I can do this!  I MUST go to the doctor I have been off my Thyroid Medicine for a LONG time which is NOT good and I know is effecting my health and with my motivation.  Thyroid controls so much in your body including your weight and energy.

Thank you Google Images for the picture above.