Who am I???

As this year closes I was going to do a post with a recap, but I think I'll save that for this weekend. Today I have a few things that have been rolling around in my head and what better place than here to let it all out. My radio is still on the station I was listening to for Christmas music, just happens to be a Christian station. They were talking about we start listening to people and the things they say about us and the things we think about ourself. The negative things that bring us down. My goal is to start the new year fresh as possible and a more positive look at myself and maybe make peace with things I won't ever be able to change.

Who I am?

* I am a little girl who's mother left when she was 5 to have her own life.

* I am a little girl who's mother wanted to hurt her father and said things about the father that were untrue and extremely damaging to how people thought of him.

* I am a little girl who moved in with her grandparents and had to become very independent and grow up a little faster than most.

* I am a little girl that felt very alone at times and turned to food for comfort. Even if that meant sneaking it.

* I am a little girl who's dad remarried and we moved once more.

* I am a young girl brought into a new family that always felt out of place.

* I am a young girl who had to share her dad when she was use to having him all to herself.

* I am a young girl who tried to fit in with sports but found herself rather uncoordinated.

* I am a young girl who tried to be the cheerleader and the drill team member that was wanted so bad for her to be, even though all she wanted to do was read a book.

* I am a young girl who did well in school and just wanted to be liked and praised.

* I am a young adult who still doesn't feel like she fits in or that bond she so wants to feel.

* I am a young adult who still doesn't fit in with her weight and her emotions with food.

* I am a adult who has loved and been hurt by that love.

* I am a adult that has found that love is not always enough, that sometimes the person your in a relationship will not always be faithful to you.

* I am a adult who has found that I can forgive but NEVER forget.

* I am a adult that thought I could not survive circumstance again and found that they can happen again to me.

* I am a adult that still feels like a little girl when hears comments about her weight or her life in general.

* I am a adult that still is looking for that approval.

Future:

* I am a adult who will try (and do my best) not to allow other's words hurt me!

(I agree who ever said sticks & stones my hurt me but words never will, LIED)

* I am a adult who is going to be happy with who I am and improve on that, not dwell on what is the past and what others have imparted on me.

Here is to a New Year with Cute toes

(Thank You Debby for the Snowman idea)

~ Next time I won't smoosh

And a SMILE on my face!

Here is to a new year with a new outlook on life and me as a person :). Thank you for listening to me, sometimes it is just one of those things you must get out.

Ahh & Ahh Crap Moments #2 (PINT Style)

Fine I'll Show you ... yup that back fired!!!

So my oh so lovely husband said to me the other day that the house wasn't clean enough and I'm not keeping my end of the bargain. Ok let me back up and tell you how we got here, he's not a total pig a bit on the butthead side ... but I digress. So when we talked about me working from home, I painted this pretty picture of how I'd have more time to do stuff around the house. So I had this plan I'll work from home I'll be done early and life will be so easy. I know really what was I thinking! Now I know Rick works a weird schedules and lately he's training which means he has to drive an hour to an hour half each way and a 9 sometimes 12 hour day on top of that. So when he starts at 12 or 1pm he sometimes doesn't return home until 1am. So yes I get he's tired and cranky but I also know I'm being mom and dad sometimes too and busting my butt a lot of time, which I'm sorry means I may not vacuum or mop/sweep everyday (ok once a week if I'm lucky).

So here's the day that is usually what I call my own, which he doesn't see since he's away from the house.

5am - Wake up to go the Gym (I added this in less time to do things like sleep)

Throw a load in the washer, and a the load into the dryer

6:30am - Start work

8:00am - Clock out to get Cole ready for school, dress, fed, lunch packed, teeth etc.

Throw load in washer to dryer and yet another load goes in!

8:30am - Get Rick out the door to take Cole to School, Get Caden set up

8:35am - Back to work

3:05pm - Go Pick Cole up

3:45pm - Log back on if needed to do any extra data entry

5:00ish - Get Dinner Going, finish up laundry, fold the laundry that pile up that day, dishes get the dishwasher going (which Rick told me is easy)

6:00ish - Dinner time (that is the kids can sit and eat)

6:30 or 7pm - try to catch up on Blog and my relax time

7:30pm - Bath, Book and Bed time

8:30pm - finish up dinner dishes, clean up the boys mess

9:00pm - Type up Blog and go threw pictures if needed

10:00pm - Better be in Bed so I can get maybe 7 hours of sleep!

Now as Rick pointed out my job is not running around and physical like his. Mine is a lot of phone calls, it has a lot of stopping and starting new projects, r/s apts, adding apts, looking up people, data entry. Really it's the best job I've ever had it's not very stressful it's a full day that keeps me busy and I love it. I'm mobile so I can walk around if needed and grab Caden lunch while still doing everything. It's really my dream job it's just the concept of working from home that leads him to think I'm free to do it all, and why is it not all done. HELLO I'm working no I'm not playing around on the internet and reading blog, I use to be able to do this but not anymore! Really life is not exactly what I thought it would be but it's all about moving and changing with what you have!

So after a lovely round of comments I thought I'll show you, so when he took Cole and Caden to their places (that day was a daycare day for Caden so it gave me more time). I took an hour, did the laundry, swept the floors, clean the bathroom, did the dishes and mopped the floor. He walked in and said how come you only do this when we argue! He currently is living outside, I haven't decided if I will let him back in! LOL oh boy so yes look this is what I do turned into him actually seeing what I do and why can't I knock this out everyday! Insert Head Slap here!

Thank you Google for this picture!