Friday, December 31, 2010

Who am I???

As this year closes I was going to do a post with a recap, but I think I'll save that for this weekend. Today I have a few things that have been rolling around in my head and what better place than here to let it all out. My radio is still on the station I was listening to for Christmas music, just happens to be a Christian station. They were talking about we start listening to people and the things they say about us and the things we think about ourself. The negative things that bring us down. My goal is to start the new year fresh as possible and a more positive look at myself and maybe make peace with things I won't ever be able to change.

Who I am?

* I am a little girl who's mother left when she was 5 to have her own life.
* I am a little girl who's mother wanted to hurt her father and said things about the father that were untrue and extremely damaging to how people thought of him.
* I am a little girl who moved in with her grandparents and had to become very independent and grow up a little faster than most.
* I am a little girl that felt very alone at times and turned to food for comfort. Even if that meant sneaking it.
* I am a little girl who's dad remarried and we moved once more.
* I am a young girl brought into a new family that always felt out of place.
* I am a young girl who had to share her dad when she was use to having him all to herself.
* I am a young girl who tried to fit in with sports but found herself rather uncoordinated.
* I am a young girl who tried to be the cheerleader and the drill team member that was wanted so bad for her to be, even though all she wanted to do was read a book.
* I am a young girl who did well in school and just wanted to be liked and praised.
* I am a young adult who still doesn't feel like she fits in or that bond she so wants to feel.
* I am a young adult who still doesn't fit in with her weight and her emotions with food.
* I am a adult who has loved and been hurt by that love.
* I am a adult that has found that love is not always enough, that sometimes the person your in a relationship will not always be faithful to you.
* I am a adult who has found that I can forgive but NEVER forget.
* I am a adult that thought I could not survive circumstance again and found that they can happen again to me.
* I am a adult that still feels like a little girl when hears comments about her weight or her life in general.
* I am a adult that still is looking for that approval.

Future:
* I am a adult who will try (and do my best) not to allow other's words hurt me!
(I agree who ever said sticks & stones my hurt me but words never will, LIED)
* I am a adult who is going to be happy with who I am and improve on that, not dwell on what is the past and what others have imparted on me.
Here is to a New Year with Cute toes
(Thank You Debby for the Snowman idea)
~ Next time I won't smoosh

And a SMILE on my face!
Here is to a new year with a new outlook on life and me as a person :). Thank you for listening to me, sometimes it is just one of those things you must get out.

18 comments:

  1. Wonderful post. this is a great end of the year post. I wish you all the best of luck in the new year!

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  2. That is a great picture of you! And I LOVE the toes!!! Snowmen are one of my favorite wintery things!
    And just so you know, I approve of you just the way you are!

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  3. You are a young girl that grew up to be a thoughtful, creative, and insightful woman.

    Happy New Year!

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  4. Happy New Year guys.. Hope you enjoy just being together tonight.. I know we are going to. I am buying the girls some horns and some confetti to throw at midnight.. lol.. talk to you next year..

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  5. It has been a sincere pleasure knowing you dear, and I wish you all the very best in 2011 xxx thank you for all your kind support..

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  6. Life is a constant course of learning. THAT will never change. You just have to take what you learn and move forward. It's the people who don't do that; who don't change and learn that cause all those problems you experience. Ignore them and stay positive.

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  7. True Twins are we...I cannot tell you how many times I thought I saw you in a crowd in MO with my son. One day we are going to meet, and I am going to give you a great big huge, then hand you a glass of wine, push you down into a chair, send the boys off to a babysitter and we are going to stay up as late as we can and talk.

    I love you girl, really I do :)

    ...and just the way you are! You are so beautiful :)

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  8. I am so sorry for all that you have been through, all the things that damage us when we don't even know it. I know that you can do this and love yourself in the end. You are important to me. Hold your head up high because you are a great person. My life was different but I still missed things that I should have had that would have built my confidence in myself. I was such a people pleaser and worked non stop like you do. I still like to make people happy but it's just because, not because I want to buy their love. You will find your balance. Love your toes, so happy that you took my lead! Wishing you wonderful surprises, excellent health with a big dash of fun in 2011. ((HUGS))

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  9. Alexis this was an amazing post that brought out a lot about you as your grew and changed in your life. I am so proud of you for looking at the New Year in a positive way.. I know what kind of person you have been to me and I love that about you.. You keep on smiling and going. You are an amazing woman.. Love ya, and I love the toes..

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  10. What a wonderful post. It takes courage to reveal so much of yourself like that.
    I struggle all the time with believing the negative things said about me but not believing the positive, from those who love me and truly know me. It's crazy, and frustrating.
    Your toes are SO cute and so are you!! I wish you a wonderful 2011.

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  11. You are a kind, loving, giving, beautiful woman with a bright future ahead of you.

    Happy New Year, friend! I hope 2011 is good to you and yours.
    xoxo

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  12. What a wonderful post. It's hard to get past things that have hurt us, but it is something that has to be done, fo you to feel good. You are amazing. Thank you for the beautiful card of you family! Happy New Year sweetie!

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  13. The toes are super duper CUTE!!

    and you are GORGEOUS!!! I swear if anyone says anything about your weight punch them in the face.

    I'll start saving bail money. =)

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  14. Love the post darling! Heres to a new look on the New Year! Happy New Year Darling!

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  15. You have been through some really tough times and it has made you into a BEAUTIFUL (YES!!) person inside and outsid!
    I am SO lucky to have you as a friend and know that there are so many people who feel the same way.
    Here is to 2011, a year of being ourselves and not caring who or what gets in our way.
    I love you!! HUGGLES!

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  16. That was a very touching post. I wish you all the best in 2011.

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  17. Those difficult times brought you to the person that you are today...hold on to the beautiful person that you are inside and out and it will get you through any tough times yet to come

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  18. How did I miss this post until now?

    I appreciate your honesty! It's hard to face the things that have shaped us--yet I think that we can't truly deal with them until we face them.

    Hoping and praying that 2011 will be a fabulous year for you! Love ya!

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Commments welcome, helps me know the people in the wall really do exsist!

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