Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Me vs Spanks ... The Olympics of dressing up


Last week Rick and I got to go on a double date with my best friend and her hubby.  The men love buffet's but we're not big eaters so it's always a waste for us.  She found a local casino had a deal for $12.95 for the month of August.  So we figured that was what we would pay for a normal meal so we can go along.  Going on a date sounds all great until you have to get ready for one.  So we start the Olympics of getting dressed.  Get your Spanks ready here we go (insert some fun music here):

  • Do you Wii Zumba (saying a little pray to loose 30 lbs before getting dressed)
  • Step on the scale (say a few nasty words) not even close to a 30lb loss
  • Get in shower, turn into an acrobat putting legs up to shave them!  
  • Step out see you miss a patch have to sit on the tub and try to do a dry shave an nick yourself.
  • Say a few more not so nice words look for a band-aid
  • Find an Angry Bird one and think yup that is sexy!
  • Find a dress you have been praying would fit, put it on husb says you're wearing that? 
  • "What do I look bad?" "No it's just fancy" - GIVE him Hair Eyeball
  • Take it off second guessing yourself and put on Capri's and feel frumpy
  • Go back to dress, now feel self conscious.
  • NOW the hunt for Spanks that fit, finally find a pair
  • NOW the spanks pull up, FEELING like the lady in Steel Magnolias that looks like 2 pigs wrestling under her dress ... YUP that is how I looked pulling those suckers UP!
  • Put on pretty shoes
  • Tell the babysitter good bye and hit the car.
  • Of course hit traffic and have to sit in said spanks not so comfy
  • Hit the casino crawl out of the car praying "Please legs work, let you have circulation" 
  • Get in and the cold air hits me and now I must pee ... Damn it sucks getting old
  • Hit the bathroom and pray as I roll the spanks down that they don't shoot off like a rubber-band
  • Everything goes good, I do have to do the 2 pig dance to get them back up, Knock my head and elbow on the stall but all is good!
  • Hit up dinner and actually able to sit for a night of dinner.
  • Then of course comes the need to pee again ... YUP we repeat the dance and the knocking of body parts!
  • Another ride home and time to release the spanks ... yup those suckers flew off like a rubber-band and on went the pink cupcake PJ's oh yes sexy I am.

Thank God we only go out every few months!  How do ladies wear those every day??

9 comments:

  1. Haha, I have a shirt that I can barely get on because it is a belly slimming shirt. You are looking awesome mama!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can totally relate. I can never make it through an entire day with a pair on. Too constricting!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hope you had some fun in the middle of all that

    ReplyDelete
  4. LOL!LOL!LOL!
    Ugh! I hate when I second guess what I am wearing ( which is EVERYTIME now-a-days) I hate wearing girdles but I have to in order for the dress to look right. and when I do wear them I look around and secretly curse all the skinny women I see!
    Awesome post!
    Blessings, Joanne

    ReplyDelete
  5. You look very pretty in the picture. I hope you had a good time after all of that preparation.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Beautiful picture! For some reason I never second guess! My daughter has all the clothing. My stuff just goes in rotation! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I hate getting dressed up. I go through a hundred outfits before deciding what to wear. I don't own a pair of Spanx but have a piece of similar undergarments. I last wore them a couple months ago and thought I was gonna die from not being able to breathe.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Beats me, I wear trousers in the winter and bare legs in the summer...therefore never have to go near them!!

    ReplyDelete

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