Saturday, February 7, 2009

Art of using the restroom

LOL ok I know that probably just freaked you out and you had to check out what the heck I was talking about. Today I had the lovely thought about how it's been 5 years since I've actually been able to go the bathroom and take a shower by myself. Then the more I thought of it the more I thought wow I guess as women we really never go by ourselves do we? So I'm doing an ode to bathroom time :). Before I start I must put in a disclaimer this is just for fun in no way am I making fun of ANYONE or of getting old. If you know me I'm just a joker and I'm being silly today and I hope I make you laugh and don't make anyone upset.
0-1 1/2 (because girls rock and potty train way before boys) -
We rely on our moms (you know it's not dad most days) to change and take care of us
2-5 years -
We have our moms (again you know it's not dad) to wipe and help make sure we're taken care of.
6-12 years -
We do get a little rest of having someone in there with us, but you know mom is right around the door and she's coming in quick if we take to long.
13 - 18 years -
We have the girl thing going on and we go in packs so we can talk and pass the emergency toilet paper, etc under the door!
19 - 20 years -
Pre bar years your at house parties (yes mom non-alcoholic parties) we take our girls to make sure our pants are zipped ... what that happens when your sober all the time!
21 - 29 years -
Bar years and now alcohol is involved which means you MUST take a girl with you to make sure your hair is in place, the girls (the twins (tatas) - prebaby years) are facing up and not down, your id is still tucked in the bra and again pants zipped, no muffin top and no embarrassing g-string hanging out (again prebaby years) and no girls the g hanging out is NOT a cute look!
30 - 40 years -
The kid years right after and during as a matter a fact you loose the right to go to the restroom alone. During birth everyone and their mother follows you into the bathroom which at that point in life you could careless! After that you have the baby who must be in your line of sight who has to be in the bouncy chair during these trips. Then comes baby years and the baby once you've left their line of sight will have a freak out, so you cart them in. Try to keep the cupboards closed while you do your thing. Then comes the toddler years where they just walk right in but usually nice enough to at least shut the door behind them. Now it's even harder to keep drawers closed while they are throwing items during this crucial moment for you! I'm sorry to say it doesn't look any better even when they get older. Because when they are older they just walk in to ask a question like what channel is this or what day a project is do, you know because that moment it is life or death. Oh yeah did I mention they lost the nicety of closing the door!! Ladies at this point in life your only true moments by yourself are at 2am when you fall (yes fall) out of bed trip on that bump in the carpet which is yes a toy, bang your knee on the same drawer you close each day from that child, sit down find no tp, waddle to the cupboard where the extra rolls are of course missing also, waddle a little more to the cupboard outside the bathroom (mind you knocking your other knee on that stupid drawer). Grab not only one roll because even at that time your the mom taking care of everyone, put the extras away, take the empty roll off, replace it and sit back down to finish wiping which at this point is useless. You then hobble back to bed to hear a child needing to use the bathroom!
41 - 50
The Teen years, yup no better at this time you still have the door opening experiences making you think why do I even have a door. Oh wait it because hubby uses the bathroom and no one wants to see that!
51 - 80
You think you're in the clear empty house the kids have gone away to college and to live there lives but wait you still have the grumpy old man who know has taken the place of those lovely kids and you just give up and leave the door open. Because now you have grandkids and they are just like how your kids were they are coming right in!
81 - 100 (hey I'm going to do it)
Well some of us maybe lucky and going to the restroom by our self while others may need a little help. And this my friends is the little light at the end of the tunnel because it may just be your hubby or your child that is doing the clean up. Finally it's your turn to get pampered. (By no means am I making fun of getting old and loosing bodily functions, I have had grandparents that have had this and have been the helper I am just writing a funny post about bathroom experiences and I hope EVERYONE has a sense of humor and doesn't read too much into it).
So my dear friends that is my ode to the bathroom, I'm not sure if I'll make it to 81 but that is the light at the end of my tunnel! And before anyone gets on me these years may change just factor in if you had kids early, that way you can get to the end faster which could be a blessing not sure how you look at it :). It also could be more time for just you and hubby and no privacy!

10 comments:

  1. Too funny! My kids were the same way, but once they hit puberty they quit. Ha,ha! Of course, now I have a 141 pound dog that goes to the bathroom with me. (Not lierally....he is house broken!)

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  2. That is too funny Debra pets are just like kids. Before kids I had a cat that weighed around 20+ lbs (I know she loved food like her mom) and would do the same. And believe me no attention to that girl and your world would be unpleasant!

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  3. LOL!!!!!!!!! I can't even take a shower alone anymore! I guess like all things.. this too shall pass!

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  4. It passes, I'm not sure about that one. Caden now has taken residence in the bathroom no matter what I'm doing. During shower time, he must be in there with toys to wait and pull the curtain back ever so often to make sure I didn't escape down the drain since that is the only exit route out of the bathroom.

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  5. I almost wet my pants which does that mean I am in a higher age bracket than I really am and need depends already! This is a good belly laugh after my company left...me all alone :(

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  6. Thats so funny! My husband comes to the bathroom with me at house parties to make sure I am okay. :D I love him.

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  7. Madeline sits on the bed and waves to me (you can see me on the pot from there if the door is open) if not she freaks out and so does Natalie! I used to take them with me in the bathroom until they can sit up on their own..my bathroom was more conviently placed. Now after the kids go to bed I am strict about my alone time in the bathroom. After two pregnancies and having everyone and anyone see and know everything about me...I did want some privacy!

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  8. You girls crack me up I'm so glad you all have good sense of humor and also that I'm not alone with this. Ha-Ha at times I just want to scream but then you just have to laugh right :)!!

    Christine I so need learn that 2 hours for me. Hmmm do you think I can lock Rick out of the bathroom also. LOL nope he's too handy and would pick the lock!

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  9. Very Funny!!! Except I am in the wrong category. I am 50 and have 6 grandkids w/ one more on the way.

    I have never gotten to go to the bathroom by myself.

    Hey, it was good hearing from you!!

    ReplyDelete

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