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Saturday, September 27, 2008

It must be an octopus since yet anothe shoe has dropped.

Here I was thinking the visit Thursday went great, everyone left with big smiles and it had a warm fuzzy feeling to it. When am I going to learn that warm fuzzy feelings usually mean some peed in the snow :) ... LOL. Guess never if I'm using that grade school analogy, guess I at least stepped it on the descriptive words.

So here's yesterday in a nut shall, the day was going GREAT I was making progress on cleaning my desk and getting everything out the door that needed to be out. I worked on everything I was feeling great, then the sky opened up and poured on my parade (I know another school yard saying). I get an email from the host people, who all is well it seems like he is adjusting and talking more. Then we go for the full steam a head with the next 5 paragraphs, talk about being hit from the side. That is exactly how I felt, like when they leave everything is perfect then the next day I get an email about something. Again the trouble was said that Cole hits, throws toys and spits. Ok as you all know Cole is far from perfect and I'm the first to acknowledge that he is a VERY active 4 year old. Also when one child is in their room with the door closed, how can this other child be doing these things? Also as I've stated before Cole has been complaining about being hit and comes crying holding some body part, so in any parent situation who do you believe. Normally you would look at both boys and tell them to knock it off before you knock them out (not literally, but a mean look sure does the trick). In my current situation poor Cole gets almost 95% of the punishments. Besides that something was said about having a hard time doing homework at the kitchen table. Which every day I ask do you have any homework, no its all done. So I'm not sure what the comment about the kitchen table was about except that a desk has now been requested for the bedroom. Along with wanting to keep the door shut for these "quiet times". Now this is our newest sour subject and just being a mom and going with my gut I believe this is the reason for the fabrication on other events. Starting this last weekend we have gone with our "house rules" which up until know we've been rather laxed on since it was still an adjustment period. Well the door open policy during the day has gone into effect, and met with much resistance. The door not only keeps getting shut but locked during the day! So I have to knock probably around 15 times (no lie) that the door needs to be open. So we open it to a wide crack, around the time of 15 minutes the door creeps slowly shut inch by inch until it's closed AGAIN! So once more I have to knock and start the whole thing over AGAIN! Now my gut is telling me since this has been met with such resistance that I may have hit the nerve that is causing the outburst, that you expect from a child but is of course heighten with trying to meet needs and over compensate.

So after a brief cool down and a few phones calls to Rick and Grandma Pat, I type up my response. I run it by our receptionist first who helps me reign it in and make sense of my jibber jabber since my blood pressure was thru the roof. Pretty much saying that kids will be kids, that 4 yrs and 10 yrs is totally different. Cool down periods after rough housing can help the other know that it is NOW time to quit. Also that this is a two way street and we have bent over backwards to be welcoming and accommodate, but now I'm almost bent so far that I'm coming back around and I CAN NOT give anymore then I am right now. That if a change needs to be made then we understand because the stress it is causing is not healthy for anyone around. Thankfully I have two hours before I leave work, so I can be calm before I pick up anyone. Since at that current moment I thought my top my just blow, I might have looked like a too wound up Jack in the Box.

By the time I left work I was calm and had my speech all planned out. Now is the time to let him know that I have been in communication and know what is being said. We got in the car and found that the host people were there talking to those kids, they came over to the car to say he needed to call them tonight. So we get on the road and I let him know we need to talk that I received an email from the host people. The face that looked at me looked like what mine use to when mom would catch me eating sweets that I was told over and over again not to get into. That is what I thought ... that things could be said and I can get my way but I'm not going to be called out for it. Well the mom in me is screaming and I'm sorry I wouldn't take this from my kids and for the moment your one of my kids. So I pretty much went over what I said in the letter and ended with if you want to go to another family please don't think we'll be mad maybe you would like a house with no kids better. Now stop thinking I was trying to be harsh, I was being honest just like I would to my kids, here are the facts, here is what we are doing to change and here is what the outcome can be you choose. I ask do you want to go to another family? I don't know? Do you know when you might know? Tonight they will let you know? Puzzle look from me: You mean they are going to call me tonight and tell me what your decision is? Yes. Another puzzle look from me: In other situations this is where the kettle boils over in me, but I happily rolled down the window and counted to 10 and then counted again to 10. From then on the ride was rather silent, not good for one who's mind is working and not having the best thoughts.

We get home in time for Tarra to run away with Khari. While I'm making dinner he trys to call them and no answer, so after dinner I give him the phone to call again. While I'm in clean up the phone is shoved back at me. Where I'm greeted with "You asked him to leave tonight" ... WTF really people if you could see this puzzled look on my face, my mom would curse me because I'm wrinkling my forehead and going to need botox sometime in the near future! No this is where I loose my cool and really want to pull a family meeting except exclude my kids and bring in these host people. I'm sick of games being played I understand being a child and being young and doing silly things, but really there has to come a time where someone goes come on TIME OUT! So it looks like the whistle blower is me and I'm blowing so hard that I may just puff out those wrinkles mom! I do my best to clear everything up with out sounding like a child myself with the he did this crap that my inner child was screaming to say! I said I sent an email with what I'm thinking and hope that we can come to some even ground soon! Now I remember being a child and pulling stunts to get my way and can understand ... oh WAIT no I can't understand my mom would have told me to buck up and make it threw the short time I'm there, along with I should be grateful that a family took me in, gave me my own room (while the other 2 boys share), make sure I always have food and oh wait the kicker take me every weekend to a new thing! So the break times you have to be part of a family during the week and not locked in your room can help you grow and enjoy this experience. Then again the difference between how people were raised, my mom would have flown across just to slap me silly for being a pain in the butt! LOL god love her she has made me one strong woman that can take a bunch of bull and still be lady like (ok maybe not lady like but a person that can bite one's tongue)!

Today is yet another story, but I'll let this one soak in for a while!

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